“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”And Jesus replied to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. The second is like it, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself (that is, unselfishly seek the best or higher good for others).’
Matthew 22: 36-39
Dr. Myles Monroe taught about the difference between being “nice” (people-pleasing) and being “kind” (authentic caring). He explains that when you are kind and authentic you live true to your principles and purpose even if it means you have to say no and establish your boundaries. He also states that kindness balanced with wisdom is better than just being agreeable.
We are to be a Jesus pleaser not a people pleaser. We are to obey all the principles laid out in the Bible, and if God and the Holy Spirit is leading you to do something, be obedient to Him. Acts 5:29 states, “But Peter and the apostles answered, “we must obey God rather than men.”
Don’t miss your destiny by being a people pleaser because in every decision there are consequences. Real peace and joy are found when we focus on pleasing God rather than man.
Whatever we do we must do it unto the Lord because if we are to look for recognition and appreciation from men, we will be sorely disappointed. Colossians 3:23-24 tells us to work hard and cheerfully at all you do, just as though you were working for the Lord and not merely for your masters, remembering that it is the Lord Christ who is going to pay you, giving you your full portion of all He owns; He is the one you are really working for.
If whatever we do we are to do it unto our Lord, then we are to have a spirit of excellence doing the best we can in everything we do with dedication perseverance and commitment.
I warn you excellence and perfectionism are certainly not the same. Perfectionism is an unattainable goal because we all have sinned and come short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). We are imperfect beings living in a dark and imperfect world which is why we need Jesus, our Savior. God demonstrated His own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us Romans 5:8.
Striving for perfectionism shows Jesus that we don’t need a savior, that we don’t need Him. When in actuality, we need Him, in every second and every moment of our days, we need Him. He is the vine, and we are the branches and whoever abides in Him and Him in us, will bear much fruit, for apart from Him we can do nothing (John 15:5).
He was without sin (Hebrews 4:15). Jesus was the only one who achieved true perfection. When we accept Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior and are born-again, we become perfected through Him and by His works on the cross. Nothing by our own works but only by His grace.
We tend to be harder on ourselves than we are with others but remember, the standard you hold yourself to is the same standard you will hold to others. The way you treat yourself is the same way you will treat others. If you hold yourself to an unattainable goal like perfectionism, you will hold others to the same standard thereby making your relationships suffer greatly.
Jesus understood this concept, when He was asked about what the greatest commandment was, He replied in Matthew 22: 36-39, “ ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. The second most important is similar: ‘Love your neighbor as much as you love yourself.’ ” We are to love God first and then when we accept and receive Him and His love, He fills our hearts with His love.
The second part of the command is also important because it directly shows how you love yourself is how you are going to love others. If we don’t love ourselves in a healthy and balanced way, we aren’t going to love others either. If you don’t have a good relationship with yourself, you won’t have a good relationship with anyone. Not only that, but you will also be disobeying a part of God’s greatest commandment.
How do we do this effectively? Sometimes it may seem so hard to love others especially ones who are close to us who have hurt us in some way. We must live our lives unoffended. I know you’re thinking that this may be easier said than done, by ourselves it may be impossible, but with God all things are possible (Matthew 19:26).
When someone does or tells us something hurtful, be silent, look up to heaven and tell God, “God you saw and heard that, you deal with it, I give that to you,” and you just walk away. Cast your cares upon Him for He cares for you (1 Peter 5:7). Living a life unoffended is one of the most freeing things.
Freely as you have received, freely give (Matthew 10:5-8). Freely you have been forgiven of your sins therefore freely you ought to forgive one another.
Jesus commanded us to forgive “seventy times seven” (Matthew 18:22) this adds up to be 490 times in a day, which further breaks down to about once every two minutes! Therefore, forgiveness should be a constant lifestyle, not an occasional occurrence. Unforgiveness is like a bitter poison to your soul, it hinders your prayers and taints your heart with bitterness, anger and resentment.
In the parable of the Unequal Debts Jesus illustrates the contrast between the enormous debt that the king forgave the servant and the small debt that the same servant refused to forgive his fellow servant. When we refuse to forgive others for the relatively minor offenses they commit against us, we are essentially enslaving them and ourselves over trivial matters in light of the immense debt God has forgiven us.
The king then punished the unforgiving man by revoking his own forgiveness, demonstrating that if we do not extend forgiveness to others, we cannot expect to receive forgiveness from God. Matthew 6:15-16 clearly states that our Heavenly Father will forgive us if we forgive those who sin against us; but if we refuse to forgive them, He will not forgive us.
Forgiving someone who did you wrong without them having to first apologize, shows great spiritual maturity. When you forgive, you help free yourself more than the other person. You also release the person to God to have Him deal with them.
2 Corinthians 2:10-11 shows us that forgiveness keeps the devil from gaining an advantage over us. This is crucial because once you open the door for him, he will eventually take the whole house.
Therefore, make the decision to obey God’s Word, let all that you do be done in love (1 Corinthians 16:14) and choose to live a lifestyle of love and forgiveness which will bring God’s favor and blessings into your lives.
If it’s too hard, think about how much God loves you and then pattern that love into loving one another. Also, ask and lean in on the Holy Spirit to give you the grace and be strong in the Lord (draw your strength from Him and be empowered through your union with Him) and in the power of His (boundless) might (Ephesians 6:10).
Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends (Proverbs 17:9). Matthew Henry’s Concise Commentary to this verse is: “The way to preserve peace is to make the best of everything; not to notice what has been said or done against ourselves.”
Dr. David Jeremiah stated that we are commanded 55 different times to love in the New Testament and 21 of them is to love one another. Jesus commanded us to love, for more about this topic see my blog post on this truth here: https://absolutetruth7.com/commanded-to-love/
Therefore, forgive and forget the hurt and pain, cover and conceal the offense, seek and preserve unselfish love and don’t ever bring up the matter or nag or gossip about the matter later, otherwise there will be an irreconcilable separation. Don’t harp on the matter, dwelling on the failures of others devastates friendships!
Unselfish love forgets and overlooks the mistakes of others. By our love we will show and prove to the world we are His disciples, His true followers. For when you demonstrate the same love, I have for you by loving one another, everyone will know that you’re my true followers (John 13:35 TPT).
Therefore, right now, if you are harboring unforgiveness in your heart extend forgiveness to that person or even if it’s to yourself, and cleanse your heart, recognizing the immense debt we have been forgiven by God, and understand that our unwillingness to forgive can hinder our own relationship with God and prevent us from experiencing His blessings. After you have forgiven, pray and ask God, “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right and steadfast spirit within me (Psalm 51: 10).
Now that you are free and cleansed, keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life (Proverbs 4:23). Meaning, the affections of your heart influence everything else in your life.
Dr. Monroe recommends that we always live authentically and purposefully: value your worth, establish clear boundaries, and pursue meaningful goals without sacrificing yourself for others’ approval. He states that the world doesn’t need people-pleasers; it needs individuals who are kind, purposeful, and courageous enough to stand firm in their faith, morals, values and beliefs while inspiring others through their example.
Don’t miss the pivotal conclusion in Part 3 of “Be Authentically You” titled “Transforming Through Truth” where you would learn about the power of words and how to use your words to sow seeds to transform your life, future and destiny and thus creating a new reality.
References:
Jeremiah, Dr. David. “The Fruit of the Spirit Explained.” YouTube, YouTube, www.youtube.com/watch?v=d0MQ_Xbbxdw&t=13s. Accessed 3 Feb. 2025.
Monroe, Dr. Myles. “Stop Being The Nice Girl.” YouTube, YouTube, www.youtube.com/watch?v=6qwlrIVKIWs. Accessed 3 Feb. 2025.
